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Hello Me. I Miss You.

Written in Summer 2021.

There isnt a book in the world which could tell you or prepare you for how different your life will be. Like.... Radically different. I remember how annoyed I used to get with my mummy friends who used say, 'yeah, ill love to meet up but it cant be before 12 or after 6' or 'thats nap time, can't do that time'.

I mean, how dare they come in and disturb your life with their poopy nappies and winning gummy smiles!!

But now, I get it. And sorry to all the mums to be listening, you will only get it when you have a child. There is a different spice to life when a child is born.

The world is seen through a different lens: a lens involving what looks dangerous and scary or cute and cuddly.

With that, you change. You never mean to do it, but it happens! Your priorities change significantly. It is amazing how urgent food becomes when a baby is bellowing at 3am.

Sometimes i can feel the struggle between my body and my brain. My brain wants to follow Jeds led but my body is shattered by the idea. Probably because things change so often, he is keeping me on my toes.

But also my brain acknowledges that things are different and will never be the same which may result in several different emotions. Sadness, happiness, frightened, anger. All of those are okay.

And all parents feel it. God knows, I do.

For me, it's the fear of missing out that I have had to come okay with. I was always in or around the action. Now I spend more time trying to avoid it. Sometimes I daydream about what life would be life at this point in my life without Jed.

Would I be happy? Yes.

Would I be successful? Probably.

Would I feel like something was missing? Absolutely.

In conclusion, grieving the life you left pre motherhood is okay and normal. But change is hard. The best way to get around it is to find allies that understand what you are going through. So when they ask "how are you" and you smile and say "yeah...", They know and understand without judgement because they may feel the same.


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